Nick Sportsinterviews

The NBA Finals are in full swing, and only one game remains to determine which two teams will go on to the Super Bowl, basketball's most prestigious event. I'm walking through the Utah desert to join my roommate Joe on the Atlanta Falcons' team bus. I'm not sure why we're there. Maybe we're sports writers or something. Jesus. As I walk up to the bus I see a cute red-haired player in a yellow Mary-Marvelesque basketball uniform talking to her teammate about the giant oversized shoes they just bought.

I get on the bus. Joe is chatting up female players and repeatedly getting shot down, sitcom style, but he laughs it off, perhaps just trying to fuck with with them in a figurative sense. I say something about the girls outside and one of the player dudes says that they listen to "shitty public domain hip-hop," whatever that means, and that they don't play on the main team with them. Well then.

A conversation is struck up between myself and an affable, pleasantly geeky player, and he invites me to play video games with him sometime or something. I jokingly tell him that if he's as superior to me in a recreational capacity as he is in his professional life, I'll be completely devastated. During the course of our conversation he slowly transforms into Andy Dick dressed as Steve Urkel. Unnerving.